February 6, 2008
-
On My Own!
These posts get more and more infrequent. Seriously, I just don’t have much to say anymore….. Well, how’s about that new banner and layout? Naturally, it’s a product of Matt’s photoshop madskillz and me pointing and saying “make it do that!” Pretty cool, I think, although this first post is not gonna quite live up to my little chibi-avatar’s genki-ness. Yeah, it’s introspection post time again. But before I do I’ll just mention 2 things; first, “Happy Birthday” to Balex. Second, well, a small announcement on behalf of a dear friend whom I hope won’t mind me doing this:
Mike. Joining the Marines. Anyone who hasn’t seen Mike’s Facebook note won’t know this, so here I am, making it known to the Xanga world. I kinda feel now like I felt when my brother used to talk about joining the police if his engineering career didn’t fly; worried. Hearing that someone you care about is going into a high-risk job kinda does that to ya….. But, “go for it,” Mike! If there’s one person who fits the mold and is hardcore enough to do it (besides Sarven,) it’s you, man! So, to Mike I wanna say “good luck, stay in touch and take care, bro!” I hope you make it to Japan, or we can catch ya sometime, somewhere, in the future. Everyone’ll be supporting you and thinking about ya, no doubt!
Oh yeah, and what will likely be my only February post would not be complete without my usual “Fuck Valentines Day” sentiments. “Fuck Valentines Day!”
OK. It’s relevant that Mike has just chosen his new path to what I’ve been musing over of late. Honestly, I’ve been pretty sick in mind, body and soul lately. The body being a result of a fierce cold (potentially flu) that has done the rounds at my base school and hit me for the past week or so. The mind, just me, on my lonesome up here, vegetating. It’s occurring to me once more how pitiful my Japanese really is. I’ve actually been living here a good few months now, after graduating from my Japanese-specialised bachelors degree, and…. I still can’t comprehend shit. Heh…. an anecdote for today; I stood for a good 20 seconds trying to remember how to say “I’d like to~!” I’ve known how to say that for 10 years now, and yet, even after 4 years of uni, interspersed with a good 14 months living here in Japan, I lose it like a 1 year old loses his balance whilst desperately trying to walk. I’ve been surpassed by every last one of my friends and peers, even people who didn’t have a word of Japanese when we met! I was discussing this with Rob one night and posed the question; “just when do you have to admit defeat?” There comes a time when, try as you might, you may just have to accept that…. you suck. Whilst my job is enjoyable enough, it’s not enough. Work has never been what my life was about. Hell, I really don’t even think I’m that good at it anyway…. And, whilst I may be an introvert by nature…., I can’t spend so much of my time alone anymore. I spent far too much time alone between the ages of 20 and 23, it did me no good, and now, especially after I House….. it’s just not good for me. These, combined with other troubling factors lately, have made me wonder about my purpose here. My being in Japan…..
I’m not quite done yet. I’ve already been put in for a transfer to Toyota, come March. I’ve pretty much settled on the fact that, as much as I like my schools here, I need to be closer to friends, need to see people, be around people I can connect with. Right now I just wanna be somewhere where I can be with friends. If Nagoya doesn’t work out I’ll seek out somewhere else, be it Yokohama, Hokkaido, Fukushima…. Hopefully something’ll work out, and whatever it is it’ll be for the best, but I definitely have to do something…….
Peace……
“Without it all, I’m choking on nothing, it’s clear in my head… and I’m screaming for something….”
Comments (10)
The Toyota job would be cool, but I really hope you can get the one in Nisshin. I’m sorry you’re so alone up there, Dave… I honestly just can’t comprehend how hard it must be. But hey, April is practically around the corner, right? I love ya, buddy. Please hang in there.
There are more guns in Yokohama and Tokyo than Nagoya. I’m just sayin’ is all…
As for the lonesomeness, I can understand that being hard. Since my school staff (since the staff changeover three weeks after I arrived) are antisocial types I think I would have gone mad without Jeremy around to hang with at the weekends. Of course I would have stayed sane by naming my guns and computer and talking to them like friends. Anyone remember Blade Runner? ‘Hey-oh! Home again!’
‘Home again, home again, jiggety-jig’
Uh, yeah. So… we all feel like twats with Japanese now and again. My ability fluctuates completely depending on how much I’ve slept and eaten. Don’t let it get to you. And your kanji recognition is miles better than mine so don’t come complainin’, mister.
Balex out!
Thanks Dave, that means a lot. You know how to motivate. I will make sure to stay in contact. I also think the Toyota job would be really cool, go for it. The flu probably is making things worse. But hey, things will change and they will be all positive, I checked my crystal ball for that one! Good things happen to good people all the time!
Don’t come to Fukushima. Its a hole and the only things going for it are the skiing, and the fact that its not too far from Tokyo. I’m getting out soon, so by the time you get here I’ll likely be gone.
on the bright side, you can think of valentines day as an obligation that does not apply to you. all the marketing is aimed at people in relationships. all those terrible diamond commercials and ugly hallmark stuffed animals… you can just ignore them. you don’t have to buy anyone anything and you can spend your money on more important things, like stuff for yourself!
Hey dude – your japanese is great (an must totally surpass mine, being that NUFS was my last semester of learning Japanese and I have barely spoken it since then…).
That last comment about getting to avoid valentines gimmicks is a good one! I never thought about it that way…
Ideally, where in Japan would you like to move most?
Good news about Mike’s enlistment! Where is his facebook? I’d like to send my regards. He’s joining a big family and I’m sure military life will suit him. Plus he’s hardcore!
Don’t worry, Dave! I’ll come to Japan so you can see just how great your Japanese is… ignore Matt’s freakishly quick passing of the 2kyu, some of us are still trying to master more than half a dozen grammar forms. (sigh)
Are there any promising potential Japanese tomodachi in the area? …Of course I am terrible at meeting new people, so I’m not exactly one to make suggestions. I’m trying to pre-empt my meeting-people-in-Japan problems by making online connections at Gaijinpot, like the antisocial nerd that I am…
Toyota would be a really nice locale, though (although Nisshin would obviously have it beat). Any central city would probably also be nice, though, just on the “things to do” scale….
Heh, could be worse.. You could be in a little village in the middle of nowhere filled with the very old or very young with nothing to do except play video games on your TV or mess around your computer with your base school telling you to lead the english classes exactly as they tell you to. Yes, I must LEAD the japanese classes, yet have no leeway in modifying, adjusting or otherwise adapting the contents to ways I would find easier to teach.
Ok.. Rant over.
I still have very cool Principals, and the kids are cool…
But the point is.. It could be worse, Dave. Try and do with what you have, for now.
Thanks for giving Rebekah permission to go ahead and “release” Frankie….
now if the weather/roads will just clear up so we can all make it to the hospital safely!
…praying for you to make the wisest choices… wise choices = better life = more happiness etc…
wah! never admit defeat! recently i’ve been trying to study some japanese on my own again, but sometimes it’s really frustrating because i can’t remember basic things i should know, but i’m still trying and feeling a little bit better about it. i know you’re tons better than me, so don’t give up! and as for the job, the kids love you! i haven’t seen you at it or anything, but just by knowing you, i’m sure you’re an awesome teacher. i know how easy it is to get lost inside yourself and get into a rut, but you’re awesome and don’t let anyone else (especially you) tell you otherwise!
*hugs*