May 23, 2007
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In The End!
Tried so hard… got so far… ya’ll know how it goes! Exams are over. Uni is over. At least, I hope it is. I can’t say I’m confident of graduation, to be uncompromisingly, brutally honest. The last exam was terrible, at least for me. 3 hours in which to write an 800 character essay based on boring graphs, a translation of an A4 sheet of Japanese and a Japanese newspaper article we had to read and summarise in English. The essay went ok but took me at least half the entire exam time… the translation was badly done and choppy and the newspaper article… I couldn’t make out shit! The best I could do was pull out a couple of words here and there and generalise what it was about based on the headline and diagrams. In a word… fucked!
I went to see Amano Sensei after. She told me she strongly doubted I could have failed and checked all my work. Basically I have performed pretty badly this year… passing everything but just barely. In spite of Amano Sensei’s (and most of you guys’) reassurances I just don’t feel that good about graduating. I’m not even sure I deserve to, based on how ridiculously poor my Japanese really is, even after a year in Japan! I know I have a habit of exaggerating my weaknesses. That’s not the case here. I am terrible at Japanese. I have a decent memory for Kanji and write them all pretty, like. Big fucking deal! I screw up saying arigatou gozaimasu even though I said it a million times in Japan. I can’t seem to take in vocab, can barely manage a decent conversation and misunderstand just about anything I hear or read. I hope and pray I have scraped enough to graduate, even if it is with a mere 3rd class degree. I am not particularly one of life’s overachievers. Not destined for anything special, I don’t think. I already have 2 best friends each holding 1st class degrees… the path of my life has always been to fall behind. I pull myself through, I don’t shine. I won my 400 metres races in school sports competition. I was 14 the last time I did that. I’ve managed to underachieve ever since, often cos I lack real motivation and don’t work as hard as I should, but even when I do I seem to fall behind…
EDIT: Check this link out Rob sent me. Does it remind you of someone…? http://www.wire
d.com/medtech/h ealth/news/2007 /05/anakin_synd rome By now I have probably lost your interest as you accurately appraise this post as a bunch of self-pitying crap! Actually, I’m not feeling very sorry for myself… It’s more self-contempt. Any failures, I’ve brought on myself. It’s not like I mean to shirk my work, I just always get caught up in the things that are of greater value to me… Especially this year. Returning from Japan… all this Uni stuff just felt so… depressing, trivial, hard to focus on. Having lived the dream how do you go back, ya know? As Marcus so eloquently put it in an e-mail a few months ago “it’s like descending from Mount Olympus to live with the mortals again!” University feels like a cage now and Preston…? Let’s just say it’s very, very… mortal! Thank God I have good friends, here and at home. Talking of home, I’ll be back there by the next time I update. My Ma decided eventually to stay put so I have been de-homeless-ilised. I’ll miss the nightly film and video gaming with Kate and Balex and the fencing I had to all but give up but little else. I’m done here. Well, see ya’ll later and thanks for your support.
Sad face goes here!
“Falling in love… was the best idea I ever had…”
Comments (11)
ah so true so true, well good luck in the future man I really do hope you find something to motivate yourself back into the life likeing (if not loving) guy i heard so much about during your year in Japan!
I’m quite certain that your self-evaluation wasn’t very accurate, but I also understand the thoughts and feelings you expressed because I often feel the same about myself. I do believe that life holds good things for you. I also understand putting things off or not putting in your best effort because other things are more important. Some people don’t understand what the most important things in life are–knowing your priorities and holding to them is a great thing, but even when that doesn’t happen–we must remember that we are only human after all! Yes, I said WE–(myself as well). I’m very glad that you aren’t homeless–I know what it’s like to worry about not having a place to stay after graduation. I’m still hoping to come visit you someday btw! It might be a while though because of $ and all that. Hang in there!!
Much Love,
Bethany
*healing thoughts* lol Don’t be so down on yourself dave! =”] be happy! or try anyway =p
trust me it’s good for you
hopefully this can cheer you upa little..
i can’t speak english right. Or spell it right.. let alone know a forgein lanuguage… [i think i spelled that right =S]
=]
-Stacey-
I hope you realize I now expect an extremely upbeat update to make up for one that was less than cheery. Must keep the balance! Come on, you know there are plenty of people out there who never even attempted a university degree. And I have no idea about degree ‘classes,’ but I bet you’re a whole lot wiser than when you went in, eh?
it really made my day, saying i made you smile..
Makeing you smile makes me smile. =D
3rd class degree shmird class degree. you’re still way more qualified for teaching english in japan than i am. you are from ENGLAND, you are way better than me at japanese, and you will have a degree that is actually related to japan.
and i certainly didn’t graduate with any special degree, so i hope you’re talking about another best friend…
How are you?
=D
That song was written by my roommate in college back when I had black hair and wore lots of bracelets. I am opposed to the “emo” (note the scarequotes) movement of late, not what you purport, sir. However, I am entirely too perky to be emo =)
Some believe that the T-Rex evolved into the chicken–note the similarities: same feet, short arms, same shape (much smaller). I find this hilarious. The Brontosaurus was always my favorite, but he never existed
Some dude put an Apatosaurus with a Brachiosaurus and thought he made a new dinosaur.
We don’t have to worry about Mormon robots killing everyone as long as there are still young people around. Robots kill the elderly only.