“Sounds like me.”
This is what I said when I first heard an archetypical ‘emo kid’ described. I was 24 at the time and that was where it all started. Being a few months shy of 31 now the idea of being ‘emo’ is balked at by most. Hell, whatever your age it gets a negative reaction. I’m not gonna go into another one of my lengthy diatribes on how the term ‘emo’ is misappropriated but simply put I kinda have an ‘emo personality.’ What I mean by that is all those attributes people assign to ‘emo kids’ (hyper-sensitivity/emotionality, excessive introspection, depressive tendencies, brooding, somewhat ‘weird,’ low self-esteem, taking things too personally/seriously, etc.) are a pretty distinct part of me. They were there long before ‘emo’ became the latest teen fashion statement and will be there long after it fades to black. That’s my point; some people genuinely possess those traits. It’s not an act, it’s not a fake display to fit some ‘scene.’ It’s not some teenage faze. It’s just who you are. So, for me, finding the Emo Scene was cathartic; finally something that essentially embraced all those characteristics I’d been trying to hide. A place where people thought and felt along the same lines as I did and enjoyed music for the same reasons I did. The fashion was always an after-thought for me, something I embraced as a ‘look’ if I liked it and didn’t if I didn’t. After all, if ‘emo kids’ are meant to be “deep and introspective” and largely about a certain approach to, and enjoyment of, music surely the superficialities of fashion would be a relatively small, voluntary extra within the scene, right…? Yeah, that’s not how it’s viewed these days, I know. ‘Emo’ became a look, a fashion, and thus the antithesis of its inherent meaning.
As usual, I digress. My point is that some people are ‘emo.’ Actually ‘emo.’ Not fakers or phonies trying to be cool. Not fly-by-night teenagers getting sucked into the latest fad only to ditch it in a few years for the next. There are people who possess those oft. maligned traits that people think of as ‘emo.’ I’m pretty much one of those people. Naturally (I feel) I ended up gravitating towards ‘emo music’ (again, a term misapplied these days based off of ‘a look.’ I’m talking bands rooted in punk, hardcore and/or alternative rock who eschew the macho bullshit traditionally associated with rock music in favour of poetic, heart-on-sleeve, intensely introspective content with unabashed vulnerability.) As such I felt at home thinking of myself as ‘emo,’ though it has become increasingly frustrating for me to have to explain why I do so to everyone who’s awareness of ‘emo’ has been coloured entirely by MTV and fashion trends. I’m a grown-up with a full-time job, a car, an apartment. I pay bills, I do all that stuff grown-ups do. But I am who I am, inside. That ain’t gonna change. I guess what I’m trying to say here is this; I am not one of these poser-ass kids. I know myself and have lived long enough to know what is the real me and what is just a fad. Age irrespective, I still embrace ‘emo’ with 2/3rds genuine attachment to a meaningful interpretation of the term, before it was butchered by mainstream media and hordes of shallow teens, and 1/3rd ironic self-mockery.
As usual, I digress, even after acknowledging I was digressing in the previous paragraph. What I really wanna get at is two-fold. First, I generally feel the need to heavily restrain my ‘emo tendencies’ for the sake of others. But it is in my nature to get pretty damn moody, sad, withdrawn, self-pitying and highly introspective at times and those moods will take me at times. Which brings me to my second point. Think about why people hate ‘emo kids.’ I’ve already documented the dislike of fakers, which I too share. These are not ‘emo kids’ anyway, but simply posers. But whether they fake it or are genuine the dislike often springs from a contempt for the self-pity and bleak wallowing ‘emos’ indulge in when they are perceived to possess no real problems in their lives. If the person is genuinely ‘emo’ they will often be beset by feelings and emotions in a way others aren’t and that, coupled with their introverted, introspective nature, results in what, to the outside observer, looks like maudlin self-pity which people loose patience with. No one likes negativity, after all.
But this attitude, I feel, is not entirely fair. Society these days seems to be under the grip of a kinda deliberate insensitivity. The “get over it” era. As is often the case this is an unthinking, unreasoned reaction against a prior movement, in this case the ‘touchy-feely’ sensitivity-training, even-dogs-have-therapists movement of the late 90s/early 00s. It tends to happen. A problem in society is addressed, a group of fair-minded, intelligent people start to put together an action plan to combat it. But people, arrogantly and conceitedly clinging to their prejudices and intolerances and hating to be told to reconsider the way they think and act, eventually start to react against what they perceive as a form of ‘thought control’ in some infantile attempt at rebellion, much as a 2 year old screams “NO” at any request or suggestion from its parents. Don’t get me wrong; I am aware the Politically Correct folks also have a tendency to stop rationalising and start being moronic; wrapping society up in cotton wool and bubble-wrap cos, God forbid, anyone experience anything that might infringe on their delicate sensibilities. But the appropriate response to extreme silliness is not a knee-jerk reaction toward opposing extreme silliness. Back to the ‘emo’ thing. Some people are just very sensitive, emotionally volatile, prone to internalising and being dark and moody and all that jazz. It’s just how some people are. I am in no way saying that society should indulge and treat with kid gloves every poor soul that does cry over split milk. But, as with anything, the opposite reaction is equally as moronic. Slinging around “get over it” essentially means “I don’t care about anyone’s issues but my own and I don’t wanna know or help.” A kind of “Emotional Conservatism/Republicanism.” The ‘Not In My Back Yard’ approach to human relations.
The sad fact with most people is they want things quick and easy. They don’t like to think or spend time on stuff. When it comes to emotional or psychological issues people just want it dealt with instantly and, more specifically, without it bothering them personally. Go watch an episode of Dr. Phil or something and see when he gets the biggest cheer. I guarantee it’ll be when he dolls out some ‘straight-shooting’ TV-friendly soundbite rather than when he gets down to some serious psychiatry. But real life is not quick and real answers rarely come in soundbites. We all have our breaking points. I’m in no way saying these people don’t need to help themselves. They most certainly do and my sympathy is also short for people who never take responsibility for their own lives. But no man is an island either and there is only so much a person can take. That may vary from person to person, depending on what their particular triggers are. In such instances people may need to cry, to vent, to make whiny blog posts or woeful Facebook statuses or whatever. They may need a bit of empathy and understanding. As I’ve said I try to keep that stuff to a minimum; I know negativity is not the most appealing of traits. I certainly don’t mean to be negative or drag others down. I frequently feel guilty for the outbursts and woeful venting my closer friends must sometimes endure and I deeply regret how much I’ve worried them in the past with my more extreme self-destructive behaviour. But we all need catharsis and empathy sometimes. People suffer through things, but it’s not really for us to judge what is and isn’t ‘worthy of sadness’ for other people. We are all different and are affected by different things in different ways. Some of us have depressive personalities, are genetically predisposed towards melancholy in a way that may be beguiling to others. For those of us that this is a genuine issue for we do fight hard to overcome it and check ourselves frequently to avoid being the self-absorbed emo stereotype we know people often can’t stand. But at the same time a person can’t just ignore and bury their feelings just cos it might be bothersome for those around us. You can’t always rise above and put on a happy face just to spare those around from a potential buzz-kill. Constant, unchecked self-pity isn’t good and shouldn’t be indulged. But to react with impatience, intolerance or to outright ignore/avoid helping another with their hurts is just as bad.
Here’s one of my favourite Simpsons episodes which kinda illustrates what I’m saying.
So spare some patience for us Real Life Emos who aren’t all attention-seeking melodrama and teenage posturing. We’re just wired that way. X
